Raising Strong Children

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In the U.S., 1 in 5 students report being bullied in the last year — 41% expect it to happen again

Bullying & Biases

Minorities Are More Likely To Be Bullied

Race	Percent of students	Percent of victims
White	53%	23%
Black	14%	23%
Latinx	24%	16%
Asian	6%	7%
Other	4%	23%

6 in 10 LGBTQ students feel unsafe at school
- 1 in 3 missed at least one day in the last month due to bullying
Up to 1 in 3 students in special education experience bullying
- They are 2X as likely to scolded when reporting bullying to adults
Consequences Of Bullying Are Serious
- Students facing bullying 2.6X more likely to attempt suicide
- Bullying leads to physical and emotional health effects, including
  - Depression & anxiety
  - Sleep difficulties
  - Lower academic achievement
- Bullying based on these biases has stronger negative physical and emotional health effects than general bullying
Why Don’t People Speak Up?
- Fight Or Flight: Our brains natural response to tense situations to act aggressively or avoid the situations entirely
- Go Along To Get Along: Social pressures often call for niceness and compromise above other values
- Lack Of Confidence: Low self-esteem makes speaking up difficult — Many believe their actions would be pointless
- Fear Of Consequences: Creating more conflict may mean punishment, loss of friendships, or becoming the victim themselves

“Given the current landscape surrounding bullying (traditional or online), it has become very difficult for a victim to voluntarily speak out without the fear of being publicly shamed or humiliated further” – Andrew Rossow, Internet Attorney, Anti-bullying Advocate, & Creator of the #CYBERBYTE Movement

Support from peers has a the greatest impact against bullying

Teaching Kids The Skills To Speak Up

How Does Your Child Communicate?
- Passive: Acts as if others are more important than themselves
  - May struggle to make eye contact or speak very quietly
- Aggressive: Acts as if they are more important than others
  - Often loud, imposing — May try to stand taller than others
- Assertive: Treats others as equals and stand up for themselves
  - Stay calm, speak firmly, and make eye contact
Teaching Kids To Be Assertive

Anyone can learn to be assertive, but what assertiveness looks like will differ based on your child’s personality

The Power Of “No”
- Teach kids when they have the right to say “no”
  - Kids can set their own boundaries, such as
    - Refusing to hug a family member or friend
    - Choosing not to play with a bossy friend
  - But some things are beyond their control, such as
    - Rules made to keep them safe and healthy
    - How others behave or react in any situation
How To Be An Ally
- Victims of bullying say speaking up for themselves often makes things worse — But peer support can make a big difference
- Bullied students say peers can make things better by
  - Spending time with me 54%
  - Helping me get away 49%
  - Helping tell adults what happened 44%
- Reach out to an adult or organizations like the Cybersmile Foundation and Random Acts Organization

Speaking up when problems arise isn’t always enough — Kids must also know how to find a solution, and when to ask for help

Solving Problems Together

Thinking Through Problems

Learning to solve everyday problems is great practice for when conflicts arise

Step 1: Identify The Problem
- Find the root cause of the problem
- Help your child by talking about their feelings
- Example: “I feel frustrated because I always miss the bus”
Step 2: Break It Down
- Break the problem into manageable parts
- Help your child by talking about cause and effect
- Example: “I missed the bus because my homework wasn’t done and I hadn’t brushed my teeth”
Step 3: Small Steps
- Fix the problem one small step at a time
- Help your child by offering specific solutions to choose from
- Example: “I’ll do my homework before dinner instead of at breakfast”
The Size Of The Problem

Let your child fix kid-size problems alone and teach them when to ask for help

Glitch: A problem so small it doesn’t need fixing — such as losing a game
- Kids should: Take a deep breath and refocus
Little: Something kids can fix themselves — such as a tablet battery dying
- Kids should: Solve the problem
Medium: A short term problem that needs adult help — such as bullying
- Kids should: Stay calm and ask for help
Big: A long term problem that needs adult help — such as someone getting hurt
- Kids should: Find an adult as quickly as possible
Huge: An emergency — such as car accident or tornado
- Kids should: Stay calm and listen to adults
Be Prepared For Big Problems
- Know How To Help:
  - Whatever the size of the problem, adults should
    - Coach kids to identify their feelings
    - Guide thinking about others’ feelings
    - Help to brainstorm possible solutions
  - For big problems, adults should know how to help
    - Practice your own assertiveness and problem solving
    - Continuing to learn and be aware of your own biases
    - Find support and resources to help address needs
  - Schools are legally required to investigate and address bullying
    - All 50 states have anti-bullying laws that require schools to act
    - Federal laws provide additional protections for
      - Bullying based on race, ethnicity, sex, or religion
      - Students with disabilities and thinking differences
    - Go to stopbullying.gov to learn more
- Practice Makes Perfect: Everyday activities are perfect opportunities to practice problem solving, empathy, and assertiveness
  - Role playing games and pretend play
  - Stories featuring assertive characters
  - Challenging puzzles and strategy games
- Tips To Remember:
  - Give your child the space to make mistakes and recover on their own
  - Create challenges to your match child’s skill without becoming frustrating
  - Offer solutions and guidance to help coach your child toward a solution
  - Let your child see how you and other adults discuss and solve problems